When? Everyone keeps telling me it’ll get easier, and I know they mean well, but I want to know when? Tuesday will be two months and it just seems to get harder. Dad thinks I’m keeping too much inside, and maybe I am, but there’s only a few people I can talk to and they are hurting as bad as I am.

I know this blog is here for this very reason. I wanted to talk about Mama and her life and I guess that includes her sickness and death. Instead of letting it sit here, maybe I should use it. It will be good to have a place to remember good and bad times. And to grieve without worrying about making someone else sad.

It’ll be 2 weeks tomorrow since Mom passed away. When do you stop counting like that? How long does it take before every tiny thing makes you think of a memory? When will I be able to stop talking about her death on this blog and start talking about her life? She really was an amazing woman and I want everyone to know her.

Soon, I hope.

Today was a hard day. We finally got Mom’s ashes and laid her to rest. I didn’t think I could get through it. All that was left of my Mom was her ashes in a marble box. Dad asked me to tell her goodbye. I couldn’t. I said them in my head, but my voice wouldn’t work. I don’t know how to say it. She was my mom, best friend and everything else that was good.

and 2 days since Mama passed away. It’s not getting easier. Will it ever? I haven’t cried in a few days, but I feel like I have a huge hole where my heart’s supposed to be.

A couple of family friends want us to go to church with them tomorrow. I just can’t. Don’t get me wrong…I still believe and have faith in God, but I’m mad. How could He take her on top of everything else that’s happened over the last few years? How could He leave Dad and I alone?

I know I’ll make peace with God, it just needs to be at my pace.

This site is dedicated to the most amazing woman I know, my mom. I was making it as a journal celebrating her life as well as the daily trails and joys of caring for someone with terminal lung cancer. Mom lost her battle last Thursday, April 24, 2008 before I finished this blog. I decided to finish it because I still want to celebrate her, tell our tale and try to deal with this huge emptiness I feel.

Never forget to tell those you love how you feel. It could be your last chance.

Loreen (Lori) Lee Uphold Hurley
April 13, 1949 - April 24, 2008